How to make people like you 6 science-based conversation hacks

How to make people like you 6 science-based conversation hacksHow to make people like you 6 science-based conversation hacksSo you want to know how to make people like you? Its easier than you think.A while back I posted abouthow to master conversation skills.Here are 6 mora research-backed tips1) Encourage people to talk about themselvesItgives their brain as much pleasure as food or moneyTalking about ourselves- whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter- triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported MondaySelf-disclosure is extra rewarding, said Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, who conducted the experiments with Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell. Their findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves, Ms. Tamir said.2) To give feedback, ask questionsIf you use questions to guide peopl e toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, theyre less likely to feel threatened and mora likely to follow through.ViaYour Brain at Work Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day LongIts not you searching for problems its him searching for gaps in his thinking process.You want people to look for assumptions or decisions that dont make sense upon further reflectionThe mora you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has s-lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of constructive performance feedback, and replacing it with facilitating positive change.Heres mora onfeedback.3) Ask for adviceStanford professorJeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expertRobert Cialdiniand many others have allrecommended asking for adviceas a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.Whart on professorAdam Grantbreaks down the science behind it in his excellent bookGive and Take A Revolutionary Approach to SuccessNew research shows thatadvice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority.In one experiment, researcher Katie Liljenquist had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only 8 percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious negotiation into a win-win deal.Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance, and pharmaceuticals industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates.4) The two-question techniqueAsk them about so mething positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how theyre feeling about life in general.Sounds silly but thismethod is based on research by Nobel Prize winning psychologist, Daniel Kahneman.A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question.ViaThinking, Fast and SlowThe same pattern is found if a question about the students relations with their parents or about their finances immediately precedes the question about general happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in the particular domain dominates happiness reports.Any emotionally significant question that alters a persons mood will have the same effect.More on this powerful techniquehere.5) Repeat the last three wordsIve written previously about the incredible power of active listening and howhostage negotiatorsuse it to build rapport.Whats the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training?Social skills e xpert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition.ViaHow to Talk to Anyone 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationshipssimply repeat- or parrot- the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your mann an ihrer seites court.It shows youre listening, interested, and lets them get back to telling their story.Youve got to be slightly savvy about this one but its surprisingly effective.Surprisingly effective?Yes, it is.It is?Research showsrepetition is effective in negotiationsas well.6) Gossip - but positivelyResearch showswhat you say about others colors how people seeyou.Compliment other people and youre likely to be seen positively. Complain and youre likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate.Via59 Seconds Change Your Life in Under a MinuteWhen you gossip about another person, listeners unconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are describing, ultim ately leading to those characteristics being transferred to you.So, say positive and pleasant things about friends and colleagues, and you are seen as a niceperson. In contrast, constantly complain about their failings, and people will unconsciously apply the negative traits and incompetence to you.Want more?Here are the previous fiveconversation hacks.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.How to make people like you 6 science-based conversation hacksSo you want to know how to make people like you? Its easier than you think.A while back I posted abouthow to master conversation skills.Here are 6 more research-backed tipsFollow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and more1) Encourage people to talk about themselvesItgives their brain as much pleasure as food or moneyTalking about ourselves- whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter- triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported Monday Self-disclosure is extra rewarding, said Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, who conducted the experiments with Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell. Their findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves, Ms. Tamir said.2) To give feedback, ask questionsIf you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, theyre less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.ViaYour Brain at Work Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regai ning Focus, and Working Smarter All Day LongIts not you searching for problems its him searching for gaps in his thinking process.You want people to look for assumptions or decisions that dont make sense upon further reflectionThe more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of constructive performance feedback, and replacing it with facilitating positive change.Heres more onfeedback.3) Ask for adviceStanford professorJeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expertRobert Cialdiniand many others have allrecommended asking for adviceas a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.Wharton professorAdam Grantbreaks down the science behind it in his excellent bookGive and Take A Revolutionary Approach to SuccessNew research shows thatadvice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack aut hority.In one experiment, researcher Katie Liljenquist had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only 8 percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious negotiation into a win-win deal.Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance, and pharmaceuticals industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates.4) The two-question techniqueAsk them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how theyre feeling about life in general.Sounds silly but thismethod is based on research by Nobel Prize winning psychologist, Daniel Kahneman.A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question.ViaThinking, Fast and SlowThe same pattern is found if a question about the students relations with their parents or about their finances immediately precedes the question about general happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in the particular domain dominates happiness reports.Any emotionally significant question that alters a persons mood will have the same effect.More on this powerful techniquehere.5) Repeat the last three wordsIve written previously about the incredible power of active listening and howhostage negotiatorsuse it to build rapport.Whats the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training?Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition.ViaHow to Talk to Anyone 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationshipssimply repeat- or parrot- the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone . That throws the conversational ball right back in your partners court.It shows youre listening, interested, and lets them get back to telling their story.Youve got to be slightly savvy about this one but its surprisingly effective.Surprisingly effective?Yes, it is.It is?Research showsrepetition is effective in negotiationsas well.6) Gossip - but positivelyResearch showswhat you say about others colors how people seeyou.Compliment other people and youre likely to be seen positively. Complain and youre likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate.Via59 Seconds Change Your Life in Under a MinuteWhen you gossip about another person, listeners unconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are describing, ultimately leading to those characteristics being transferred to you.So, say positive and pleasant things about friends and colleagues, and you are seen as a niceperson. In contrast, constantly complain about their failings, and people will unconsciously appl y the negative traits and incompetence to you.Want more?Here are the previous fiveconversation hacks.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.This article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people